Dog Politics! How to be sure that you are the pack leader.

Dog Politics! How to be sure that you are the pack leader.

Posted by Jake on 2010-09-22 13:15:02

Did you know that when I or any other member of the superior species notice that our human is not truly exerting his will as the pack’s alpha that we will instinctively adopt that role for ourselves? Did you know that when a dog adopts the role of alpha that he or she takes it very seriously? In the pack it is the alpha’s job to protect and discipline the rest of the pack. So yes, in case you were wondering if I was the pack's alpha I would have no qualms about punishing one of you lowly humans that gets out of line! Also because I have the duty of protecting my pack I am more than willing to protect my other pack mates in any way I think is needed.

So now that you know what really happens when a member of the canine perfection feels forced to adopt the role of authority, what does it look like to humans around him? Well you morons call it vicious behavior and react negatively to his noble, self sacrificing, act of becoming the pack leader. For the most part us domesticated dogs do NOT want to be alpha. An alpha’s life is stressful. An alpha’s life is hard. We would much rather be the omegas and just enjoy the fruits of your so called labor. But as I mentioned before if you lack the backbone to lead your pack don’t expect me to sit back and allow things to become turmoil.

Showing your dominance is actually rather simple and to do so you never ever have to hurt your dog. In case your didn’t hear that I will repeat it for you: TO SHOW DOMINANCE YOU DON’T HAVE TO HURT YOUR DOG. Period. No hitting! No biting. (Some dense humans really think biting a dog is like speaking a dog’s language) No slapping! If you're confused about this ask a friend to smack you with a stick and see if YOU feel less aggressive. Not gonna happen. Hurting only leads to resentment.

Make Me Wait for My Food (Patiently)

In a real wolf pack, the alpha eats first and never shares with the lesser members until he has had his fill. This one is pretty simple, make me dog wait for his dinner until after you have had yours. Also don’t give me table scraps, even though begging is a submissive act it should not be tolerated, which I will explain why in another lesson. I should be made to wait patiently while you eat. Once you are done, calmly go and prepare my food. Pick up my bowl and fill it on the counter. Don’t fill it on the ground with me trying to eat as you pour or scoop. (You should be scooping meat by the way, if you are pouring kibble you’re dead to me…)

Once you have the food ready, command me to sit. Don’t give me my meal until I have sat and waited PATIENTLY for ten seconds or so. No whining. No jumping up. I need to quietly and patiently sit and wait until you, my alpha, are ready to give me my meal.

Don’t Let Me Hump Anyone (or Anything)

Mounting is a sign of dominance. Some sick humans find it humorous when their dog mounts them or someone else. What the hell is wrong with you? Anyway, don’t let them do it. I don’t care if it is your kid, another dog, or even your sofa.I should never be showing signs of dominance. Ever. I should always be squarely situated as the omega of your pack. Period.

(In case you didn't know, the Omega is the lowest ranking member of a pack.)

Don’t Let Me Sleep In Your Bed

I know many of you fur impaired love to snuggle up to me and my kind at night but guess what? In a wolf pack the alpha does not share his sleeping area with the other pack members. Especially not the lowly omega. If you really must sleep with me, make sure there have been no signs of me trying to establish dominance before you allow me in your bed. At the very least don’t let me sleep with you for the first year.

Don’t Let Me Pull On The Leash

I will go into detail about how to stop pulling on the leash in a future article, however, to give you a brief overview right now. Alphas lead. Omegas do not. It is not only a sign of disrespect but also a sign of dominance that I am allowed to pull you towards anything. During a walk the leash should NEVER be tight. I am not saying make your dog heal all the time like certain compulsively retarded humans insist on. Let me roam a bit but the second my leash begins to tug I should be corrected.

Make Me Submit

Tummy Rub

Tummy rub time!

This one is really really easy! Why? Because tummy rubs feels amazing! Oh ya… I am just thinking of one now. Oh boy… ah….

Oh… right… The lesson. Ok… so submitting is when I lie on my back and show you my stomach. When a dog does this it means he sees you as his superior. Don’t force me to submit. Let me submit on my own. The best way to do this is to show me how great a tummy rub feels. Trust me, I will love it. Once I learn that submitting leads to a tummy rub I will most likely be eager to submit often. Continue to reward all submissions with tummy rubs and you will have a very happy and submissive dog.

Pet The Top Of My Head

It is only logical. Being above another pack member means that you are higher ranked. This can be as simple as placing your hand on top of my head. (Instead of say petting my chin which would be a sign that you are submitting to me) Pet me on the top of my head, often. Drape your arm over my back. Anything that clearly places you physically on top of me will show that you know that you are dominant.

Be Confident

This one should really be obvious but humans are often oblivious so I figured I would add it in anyway. Alphas are leaders. Leaders are confident. Choose and act. Make your decisions and make sure that once you have decided your dog will listen. If I do not listen the rest of the world stops until I do. You are the alpha, your word is law.

A Final Note

In case you didn’t figure it out yet I just wanted to remind you that showing dominance does NOT mean hurting your furry friend. Sometimes corrections are needed but a correction should always be relatively harmless and should be made to simulate a correction made by another dog.


I bet you can already guess what I am going to give you as homework, can’t you? No? Well I guess some humans can be a little fuzzy in the completely different way to dogs. Go give your canine a tummy rub! Ya! Right now, don’t even think twice about it. Walk away from this computer and go give him a fantastic tummy rub… BUT WAIT… Don’t close this window… Jeez… Leave it open, when you’re done come back and read some more articles. I can think of like a dozen off the top of my head that would be so helpful to you! At the very least subscribe so you can get updates in your email!

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